Just for the Record.

No fancy words tonight. I'll just say everything as it comes.

So,
I was looking through some blogs earlier and was completely blown away. They were SO raw. (To tell the truth, I didn't even really know the people of the blogs I was reading, but by the end each of their entries I felt for them. Their pain? Their heart ache? Whatever they were trying to convey.) As I began to read over my old entries, I started to think about how "blehhh" they sounded. (Haha isn't this lovely writing?) They were such a diluted reflection of me (besides the old summer ones which were written when I was quite an emotional wreck). And well, I thought, maybe it's because when I write an entry I don't want to spill every one of my emotions out to the public. But then, I thought, maybe it's because I'm just too afraid.

So,
this week I had one of those "overthinking moments"- no, moments is an understatement of what it was. I was having a... hmm.... an "overthinking period"? (Yea, that's a better description.) I was constantly questioning a decision I had made. Not because anything was wrong (in fact, everything was great, almost perfect), but because of what a certain few people had said, certain few opinions they had expressed. Now, I could understand most of them. They were intended to help me, protect me, to make sure I kept my logical sensable head in place. But a few were from people who didn't really have much business in saying anything at all. (Then again, I suppose, everyone is entitled to their own opinion.) In either case, they all got to me. I didn't realize how big of a sucker I was for "crowd-pleasing" till then. I'm so easily influenced by what everyone else thinks. It's terrible it really is. And now that I look back on my week of overanalyzing, how silly it all seems- to think that I would have even thought of going back on my decision because of a few frivolous comments!

Just for the record. (Since everyone asks me about this topic at least 5x a day and all I ever say is "It's good.") I'm sticking with my decision. Yes, I am aware that it might not last "forever." Yes, I am aware of all the negative possibilities. But we all need to take a leap of faith. This is it for me.

What's the worse that can happen anyway? We live. We learn.
That's how I see it.

To be continued...

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." - Mark Twain

You see, you closed your eyes.
That was the difference.
Sometimes you cannot believe what you see,
you have to believe what you feel.
And if you are ever going to have other people trust you,
you must feel that you
can trust them, too—
even when you’re in the dark. Even when you’re falling.
++ Mitch Albom

Dear ________,

Dear _______,

1) Thank you for always being there for me. I know that we haven't talked as much lately, but, please, please, remember this: You are my bestfriend and nobody (I mean nobody in this whole wide world) could ever take your place! I hope we'll always be best friends and grow up to be little old ladies together one day (:

2) I'm really glad I met you. You make me smile! I don't know where we're going or what kind of ride this is going to be... but I'm crossing my fingers and hoping for the best. I don't want this to be just another story. So I'm going to try my best to show you who I am.

3)You're so much more than you think you are. You're beautiful, caring, and have so much to offer!

4)I was a fool for hanging on to you so long. But now I'm happy. I guess everything DOES happen for a reason :)

5)This is going to sound like a lame pick-up line. But seriously, I think you're the closest thing to an angel. I wish I was as nice and good-hearted as you T.T

6)I think it's awesome the way you can make everyone around you laugh and smile.

7) GIVE GIVE GIVE :) If karma works, you have a good future ahead of you. I want to be more like you!

8) I've known you for awhile now. You're basically a sister to me. You're funny, cool, and tough. I mean sure, I've seen that mushy side of you too, but I still don't know what's underneath all that "chill." I can't wait till that day when you let down your guard (even if it's not for me). I know you've been through a lot and it makes harder for you to show your emotions. But it's okay. You have people here to catch you if you fall :)

[For the record- I didn't write this.]

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person.
When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They may seem like a godsend and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die.
Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it, it is real.
But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must
build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.


TODAY THANK THE PERSON WHO IN ONE WAY OR ANOTHER HAVE BEEN PART OF YOUR LIFE
Even if a small way you can make them feel
That you are indeed thankful for their
Presence as well as the beautiful moments that they have given -
No matter if they are your reason, season, or your lifetime.

thank you lovelies :)
------------------

I remember I use to criticize you for worrying about the future too much. I kept trying to tell you that all that mattered was now and later would figure itself out then. I couldn't get through to you and I didn't understand why. I couldn't understand, why the chance wasn't worth the fight. Our fight. Now I'm starting to understand- I think I know why you worried so much. Sometimes you're afraid that people will mean too much && then the goodbyes... well, the goodbyes will be harder to say.

"We're never so vulnerable than when we trust someone - but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy." - Walter Anderson

We're both looking for something
We've been afraid to find
It's easier to be broken
It's easier to hide

Looking at you, holding my breath
For once in my life I'm scared to death
I'm taking a chance letting you inside
----------------------------------------------

Sometimes you just got to take the risk, right?
Because it's all or nothing in life, right?
Dang, well I never thought I'd be this afraid-
To just let go and "go for it"...
Well, here I go anyways.
There won't be any regrets this time.
Catch me if I fall.

And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't pretend that
I'm alright
And you can't change me

I guess I know where my strive for "perfection" came from...

Just lean on my shoulder,
It's not over till it's over
Don't worry about it cause
I'm gonna make sure our bond gets stronger
I don't wanna wait till the storm and something wrong and now you're gone and I can't find you

Dear Heart

Dear Heart,

It's been some time. I really do think it's time for you to move on. I mean, I know you say you're over all of that.... but for someone who's "over it" you sure don't seem like you've let go. It's still written all over your face. It's obvious. Just look at the way you doubt everyone. You're so suspicious. I know you think they're all going to do the same thing. But stop. Stop looking back for once. You know you're only making it harder on yourself, right? Let's think of the past as lessons learned. An experience gained. You're stronger now. Remember? You've come a long way since then.

Dear Heart,

It's okay to take a chance. You know you have people to fall back on. Friends that'll be there even when things get tough. So I know this is risky... and scary as anything. But I think it's time. I think it's time for you to just let things happen.

I have way too much pride. I'm too afraid to fail.