Just for the Record.

No fancy words tonight. I'll just say everything as it comes.

So,
I was looking through some blogs earlier and was completely blown away. They were SO raw. (To tell the truth, I didn't even really know the people of the blogs I was reading, but by the end each of their entries I felt for them. Their pain? Their heart ache? Whatever they were trying to convey.) As I began to read over my old entries, I started to think about how "blehhh" they sounded. (Haha isn't this lovely writing?) They were such a diluted reflection of me (besides the old summer ones which were written when I was quite an emotional wreck). And well, I thought, maybe it's because when I write an entry I don't want to spill every one of my emotions out to the public. But then, I thought, maybe it's because I'm just too afraid.

So,
this week I had one of those "overthinking moments"- no, moments is an understatement of what it was. I was having a... hmm.... an "overthinking period"? (Yea, that's a better description.) I was constantly questioning a decision I had made. Not because anything was wrong (in fact, everything was great, almost perfect), but because of what a certain few people had said, certain few opinions they had expressed. Now, I could understand most of them. They were intended to help me, protect me, to make sure I kept my logical sensable head in place. But a few were from people who didn't really have much business in saying anything at all. (Then again, I suppose, everyone is entitled to their own opinion.) In either case, they all got to me. I didn't realize how big of a sucker I was for "crowd-pleasing" till then. I'm so easily influenced by what everyone else thinks. It's terrible it really is. And now that I look back on my week of overanalyzing, how silly it all seems- to think that I would have even thought of going back on my decision because of a few frivolous comments!

Just for the record. (Since everyone asks me about this topic at least 5x a day and all I ever say is "It's good.") I'm sticking with my decision. Yes, I am aware that it might not last "forever." Yes, I am aware of all the negative possibilities. But we all need to take a leap of faith. This is it for me.

What's the worse that can happen anyway? We live. We learn.
That's how I see it.

To be continued...

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." - Mark Twain