Finally done with that chapter of the book.

Here comes the next....

I'm on my way to happiness.

Let our eyes say words we’ll leave unspoken
When we're trying to be careful
And words can be so confusing
When we're trying to be careful
But
not too careful...

[our eyes] song lyric mode (: hehe

If the heart is always searching,
Can you ever find a home?
I've been looking for that someone,
I'll never make it on my own
Dreams can't take the place of loving you,
There's gotta be a million reasons why it's true.

-When You Look Me in the Eyes [Jonas Brothers]

I had this strange thought the other day. I started wondering: what would it be like if everyone had a themesong? Like, if every person had this magical aura of music playing around them all the time. I mean, it wouldn't be just one song, it could change- and when that person was talking the music would stop so you could hear him... but still, I wonder: what would it be playing? What would it sound like? What would it be like? To hear the inner most thoughts and feelings of your friends and well, complete strangers. . .

I remember after reading The Minister's Veil I started thinking a lot about how so many of us wear this facade- this mask of something we're not.

Honestly, the scariest part of meeting new people isn't going up to them and starting a conversation. No, that is by far the easiest step. Getting to know them is pretty easy too... but at the same time, that's where it starts to get a little iffy. Once they start to open up, you start to open up, and then you get all those feelings and somewhere along that way they make a mark on you and you get attached. See, I don't think it would be so bad if everyone let down their guard for a moment. In fact, I think it would be beautiful if everyone just exposed their true colors... but I guess it's not that easy.

Rejection hurts, and it scares me to death to think: that maybe, maybe if I were to let down my mask, to play my themesong in the public, people would judge and turn their head around and decide, shes's not really good enough, she's not really what I thought she was and walk off.

I got dizzy reading this -.-"

Dear Best Friend,
Thanks for being the amazing person you are. Thanks for always being there- when I need y ou and when I don't. Thanks for listening to me- hearing all my complaints. And thanks, thanks for being their "worst nightmare" and being mad when I can't be. Thanks for looking out for me and always having my best interest. Thanks for hating on those losers even though I know you don't mean it. Thanks for laughing at my corny jokes and always being understand. Thanks for acting weird with me and always making me feel wanted. Thanks for loving me despite all my terrible insecurites and thanks for being someone I can always count on. Thanks best friend, I hope this little blog entry tells you something you already know. Cause you the best and I absolutely mean it! <3 BFFFE!

For some reason acoustic love songs always seem to sound more "sweet".
Yea, they're a little quirky and awkward, but they're so raw and genuine.

Everytime I watch a Youtube video of some guy playing their guitar, singing some corny love song for their girlfriend, I can't help but want that.

Forget the Hollywood Titanic love story.
Bring on the quirky, awkward kids who can't talk to their crushes.
I know it's cliche and kind of kiddy, but I'm just so tired of this over-dramatic nonsense. I'm giving up on perfection.

I know so many of us are looking for that "knight in shining armor," but truth is- underneath that shiny covering is just another normal human being. I know I'm known for having extremely unordinary expectations, but lately I've come to throw them away.

I figure,

We're human. We all make mistakes.
And there lies the beauty of loving and learning.

Plus, it's rather exhausting questioning everyone's motives.
Sometimes you just got a take a little risk.

I know that has nothing to do with acoustic love songs.
But my point is: I want to go back to the quirkiness and awkwardness of when we were little kids- just learning to love, just learning to live, just learning to experience everything for what it was.

I don't ask for much.
Just that you be patient.
Patient enough to see me through my fears.

My insecurities.
My doubts.
My inability to trust.

I ask that you wait.

This heart has learned it's lessons.
It's grown cold.
It's grown hard.

So please, be patient.
I'm scared of the fragility of this all.

See me for me.
When I cry.
When I laugh.
Hear me.
Listen to me.
When I talk.
When I tell you what's on my mind.

One day these walls will fall.
One day I'll let them fall.
But till that day...
Wait.
Wait for me.
If it means anything at all.

바보같이 너의 생각에 웃으면서 하루를 보내/
지금 이대로 우리둘 영원하자 서로 약속해/
너만있으면 난 괜찮아/ 내 곁에만 있어준다면 사랑해/ 항상 니 곁에 있을께 난 너만 있으면

this song makes me smile like no other (: <3

Those promises always seem to mean more to me.

Just when things are getting real, I back out.

Scared. I don't know why.

너무 소중해 꼭 숨겨두었죠
그 사람 나만 볼 수 있어요
내 눈에만 보여요
내 입술에 영원히 담아둘거야

Song: Unfold
Artist: Marie Digby

Lyrics:
What I can remember
Is a lot like water
Trickling down a page
Of the most beautiful colors
I can't quite put my finger
Down on the moment
That I became like this...

You see I am the bravest girl
You will ever come to meet
Yet I shrink down to nothing
At the thought of someone
Really seeing me
I think my heart is wrapped around
And tangled up in winding weeds

But I don't wanna go on living
Being so afraid of showing
Someone else my imperfections
And even though my feet
Are trembling
And every word I say I'm stumbling
I will bare it all... watch me unfold
Unfold

These hands that I hold
Behind my back are
Bound and broken
By my own doing
And I can't feel
Anything anymore
I need a touch to remind me
I'm still real

But I don't wanna go on living
Being so afraid of showing
Someone else my imperfections
And even though my feet
Are trembling
And every word I say I'm stumbling
I will bare it all... watch me unfold
Unfold

My soul
It's dying to be free
You see... I can't live the rest of my life
So guarded
It's dying to be free
It's up to me to choose...
What kind of life I lead

Cuz I don't wanna go on living
Being so afraid of showing
Someone else my imperfections
And even though my feet
Are trembling
And every word I say
I will bare it all... watch me unfold
Unfold

I will allow someone to love me
I will allow someone to love me.

If we treat people as they are, we make them worse. If we treat people as they ought to be, we help them become what they are capable of becoming.

"You trust people to easily, sis."
"Well, sometimes I just want to believe that some people aren't as messed up as they seem."

Say you gotta put the good with the bad, happy and the sad
So will u bring a better future than I had in the past
Oh Cause, I don't wanna make the same mistakes I did
I don't wanna fall back on my face again

In the end things will work themselves out she told herself.
There's still so much out there. There's still so much to believe in.

We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty. -Maya Angelou

So I sorta use to have the heart to talk to people that hurt me.
I'd keep smiling and pretend like everything was just like it use to be.
But I can't do that anymore.
These days I just can't seem to bring myself to faking "happiness".
I want the real thing.

I like having this secret. I like noone knowing about it.
(Okay, just kidding- maybe a few people know about it. But I'm not complaining.)

People just talk too much.
It makes my head hurt.
They don't really have anything important to say, but they just talk.
They don't know what they're saying.
They just need to hear themself.
It's a waste of words.
It's a waste of time.

Ho-ho. I like having this "secret."
There's no drama.
There's no ::whisper::whisper::.
Nobody is poking their head in my business.

I don't have to explain.
I don't have to justify.
I don't need to tell people why I think this or that.

I can breathe!

I can finally process the information as it comes.

I can base my decisions on facts.

Not worry about "rumors"-

I like having this secret.
I'll like it even if things go wrong.
Cause all I'll have to do is pick myself up and smile-
Take a ride and move along.

Fear, it has its place folded in squares
Squarely tucked in the back pocket of our minds
And yes, it’s reckless to act but pointless to decide
Just let your world collide with mine

만약에 니가 온다면 니가 다가온다면
난 어떻게 해야만 할지 정말 알수 없는걸
내가 바보같아서 바라볼 수 밖에만 없는건 아마도
외면 할지도 모를 니 마음과 또 그래서 더 멀어질 사이가 될까봐

::만약에 (If) - Taeyeon::

This 2010...

New Year Resolutions
-Make 1000 stars (:
-Get in shape! More muscleeee~
-Read Bibleeee: first up, Matthews!
-higher grades then last semester.
-5s on AP exams~
-volunteeer mooree.
-Listen to my parents more... ><
-Patience. Enough said.
-"Kill people with kindness." New philosophy? ;)