Never Change

"You’re holding out for something big to happen
All you really need are my arms to be wrapped in
You know that, but you refuse to admit that I am the only one that you’re lackin
What happened to the passion? You’re lazy
Letting all the stupid things drive you crazy
I told you, I am everything you’re ever gonna need
So please let go of it all,
You see the pain that I felt for you then?
The gift you received with your every single “amen?
It’s been a few days, months, or years since the last time I took away your fears, your tears
I miss you…well did you know that?I paid the price so you never gotta look back
All I want is to love and be loved in return."
-Never Change [J.Han]

You know that feeling you get sometimes? That somethings kind of missing? That you're forgetting something really really important? I thought I was doing everything alright up to this point but then it sort of hit me that I've been way off track. Now that the storms calm and all the dust has finally settled, I'm starting to get a clearer of view of where I really am right now. It's so cliche- The whole process of trying to "find yourself." But. That's what I'm doing. Yup. That's where I'm at.

So I'm a Youtube addict. And everytime I listen to Never Change by J. Han I have to play it at least 3 times. The first time its the beat. Can't get enough of it. Hahaha. But the second, third, and times after that, its the lyrics. Thats the real thing.

What happened to the passion? You’re lazy
Letting all the stupid things drive you crazy
You know that, but you refuse to admit that I am the only one that you’re lackin

It gets me every time! I ask myself the same questions. Where did it all go? The passion? The drive? And all I can come up with is a list of superficial excuses...

So today I woke up with this sense of closure. And I realized that although its taken quite awhile, I've finally moved on. See, everytime I don't think I'm strong enough... I'm always proven wrong somehow :) Whether its through friends or just completely random incidents, I'm constantly reminded of how good this life can be.

Oh my, and I'm rambling right now. But I'll get to the point.

I have been lazy. And I have gotten my priorities mixed up these days. But. I'm finally awake! Now that I see where I am. Now that my heads screwed on straight. Its obvious what I've been missing. God. And I love my friends. They make everything so much better. And when I think about how lucky I am. How grateful I should be. How such hard times can be made beautiful again. I don't see how this life could be a consequence of chance. The people in my life. The way each and every one of them are so unique. How patient they are. How caring they are. How loving. I don't see how any of them could have simply been a random draw of nature. There must have been a designer when they were created. Everything about this life (kay, maybe not everything) is too beautiful and intricate to be a result of some big bang. There has to be something bigger. I mean otherwise, isn't this life pretty meaningless?

I'm not really sure what this entry is about anymore- whether its about me finding myself or if its about how great my friends are or its about how I've been missing God and how there must be God. I think its all three. As I'm trying to figure out and sort out my thoughts, all I can come to is this: Every single day my eyes are opening a little more to that "something" or in this case that "someone" I've been missing. And its through people like my friends that I see God's love and am reminded of how blessed I am. Its funny. Because this could have happened anyday. God was always there. Even when I forgot about Him, He was still watching over me, holding out His arms, waiting for this day when I would finally see what would make the difference.

Hm... this is definitely a stream of conscience entry. Welcome to my thought process- Yes, it's a mess.

You’re holding out for something big to happen
All you really need are my arms to be wrapped in