All Right After All

"Do you remember the things you were worrying about a year ago? How did they work out? Didn't you waste a lot of fruitless energy on account of most of them? Didn't most of them turn out all right after all?”

I got over it (:

It's okay now. Everything is going to be okay.
I took a look around and saw that everything is quite amazing in its own way.

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself 'I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' You must do the thing you think you cannot do.

-Eleanor Roosevelt

God's plan must be something like braces.

The other day in AP Chem, Jaime turned around to me and said, "Christina, you're teeth have gotten so much straighter!" I hadn't really thought about it then, but when I realized what that meant, it made me really happy. Those braces were working!

I guess when you're the one with metal wires stuck in between your teeth, you sort of begin to forget the whole purpose of them being there- well, I guess you understand what they're doing but you don't always appreciate or realize how much progess they're making.

The whole point of braces is to straighten your teeth... basically give you that all-wanted amazing smile. But it's not a one-step kind of thing. You have to go in for checkups and you have to keep adjusting and tightening them. Time after time, repeatedly. It gets to be a pain in the butt (especially at the stage when your teeth are shifting and it hurts for you eat). But of course, at the end, it's all worth it. You take those clunky things off your teeth and wahlah- there it is! Those pearly straight teeth you've been awaiting (:

I think. . . God's plan must be something like braces.

We go through life asking- "What is the purpose of this?" "Why is this happening?" And even for those us who say "Everything happens for a reason," "This is the way it's suppose to be," we still don't really get it. We're worried.

I remember being teased a lot about my front teeth before I got braces >___<" They were pretty ugly! Very crooked- After I got braces the teeth started moving almost immediately. At the beginning it wasn't a significant change, but when I compare them to now, I must admit, it's pretty amazing!

If someone were to give me the chance to erase a memory, a few weeks ago I may have taken up the offer. But today, I think I would decline. When I look back on those really tough moments, I smile. The funny thing is, at that time they seemed so difficult yet somehow, I managed to come out alright.

Every experience makes us who we are. And I think God's plan has that in mind. He challenges us and uses obstacles to make us stronger. Sometimes it hurts but He knows what He's doing. His plan. His time. His plan is like braces. Little by little he uses people and events to change us into who we are suppose to be.

As people I think its hard for us to accept things we have no control of- it's hard for us to wait- it's hard for us to trust. So as Jaime reminded me of how straight my teeth had gotten, maybe all of us just need a reminder to take a step back and look at how far we've come.

Oops, word vomit.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever
regret - Ambrose Bierce.

Venting. Oh man. Have I done a lot of THAT these last couple weeks- to Siraj, to Sandra, to anybody who was willing to listen, really. It's terrible- how I can get so worked up about things. How I think it over and over again till it starts to frustrate me more than it did at the beginning. I guess I could say that it was just because I really cared- that it was understandable because I was hurt. But honestly, sometimes I feel that my "venting" isn't worth defending. Plus, no one really likes to hear people vent -_____-.

Venting feels like vomitting. "Word vomitting." It comes out when I don't expect it. And even worse, it comes up meaner and nastier then I intend it to be. Venting never really helps me. It does for that one brief moment- but I regret it the next minute. Half (if not all of it) is usually something I don't mean. I don't know why we people do that- say one thing, when we really mean to say the opposite.

I've been dragging this way longer than I should have been. I'm done with my complaining and I'm done with my blaming. I'm finished now.

It's weighing on my conscious- and even though I'm admitting it now I know it doesn't make it anymore "justified" or makes me any "bigger" as a person. But, even if it counts for nothing, I will say this:

To the person that I vented about (even though you'll probably never read this or never know what I said), I'm sorry.

A quote for thought:
“For every minute you remain angry, you give up sixty seconds of peace of
mind.”

You can shed tears that she is gone,
or you can smile because she has lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that she'll come back,
or you can open your eyes and see all she's left.
Your heart can be empty because you can't see her,
or you can be full of the love you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember her only that she is gone,
or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back.
Or you can do what she'd want:smile, open your eyes, love and go on.
-David Harkins

Forgiveness

"To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover
that the prisoner was you."

I think the key to forgiveness is learning how to start with yourself.

"Everything DOES Happen for a Reason"

At that moment- I didn't know how it was going to work out. All I knew was that it eventually would. It wasn't really so much of a choice of believing as it was an acceptance of a basic truth. It was just another "that's life" kind of fact I knew I had to swallow.

Looking back, I almost have to laugh at myself. The signs I missed. Those warnings I should have taken heed of. It's almost embarassing recalling those moments of weakness. Noone wants to admit they were a fool. But the past isn't something to be ashamed of. Each experience was a lessoned learned. I have no regrets.

Isn't it funny? How now when I look back at it- it all seems SO different. And now I feel so differently towards it. I think I can finally chew on the idea that "everything does happen for a reason" instead of just swallowing it. It's happening- "that reason."

What's done is done(: And as I write this, it's a mixture of happiness and sadness.
Noone wants to let go of memories- but sometime's you jsut have to move on.
Goodbye to tears and hello to smiles and laughs.
There's only one way now- up!

Life is beautiful. And everyday I'm learning to love it more than the last.

I think it's time to let go.

In the Attempt

"If there’s any kind of magic in this world, it must be in the
attempt of understanding someone, sharing something. I know, it’s almost
impossible to succeed, but…who cares, really? The answer must be in the
attempt."

I'm trying really hard to understand you.

A Collection of Quotes

Here are a random (-dun- -dun- or are they?) assortment of quotes for the day.

"As human beings, we need to know that we are not alone, that we are not crazy or completely out ofour minds, that there are other people out there who feel as we do, live as we do, love as we do."

"You should never have a regret. Look at it this way instead; if it was good, it's wonderful. If it was bad, it was an experience."

"Sometimes all you can do is not think. Just wonder. Not obsess. Not imagine. Just breathe. Everything works out in the end, and the more time you spend worrying about it, the longer it takes for things to end perfectly... just the way they should."

"I like the stories that the mouth can't tell fast enough. The ears that aren't big enough. The eyes that can't take in all the change. I like the hugging, the bringing together, the end of missing someone."

"Throw away your problems and smile because honey, this is the only life you've got, and your problems won't matter when you're dead."

"You need to have a little faith, not everyone you love is going to leave you."

"When it comes down to life, you risk nothing or everything. That's just how it is."

"What we have here is a dreamer, someone completely out of touch with reality.
When she jumped, she probably thought she could fly."

"There's always something tomorrow. So I say lets make the best of tonight. Here comes the rest of our lives."

S o m e t i m e s we need to stop analyzing the paststop planning the planstop trying to figure out precisely how we feel. stop deciding with our mind what we want our heart to feel... sometimes we just have to go with "whatever happens, happens"

Live. Love. Laugh.