I'm Happy

Makes you feel "happy" doesn't it? Like... some people I know. They make me feel happy. (Really happy-) See, when someone talks to you, just to talk to you, purely for the fact they want to hear your voice or they want to know how you feel... or simply because they like you. As a person, friend, whatever... well...that makes you something special doesn't it? I mean really special. Because how many people do you really know that take their time to just find out how your day is? I don't know about you, but that's something special. Real special. And when you have people like that in your life, you really shouldn't take it for granted. People like that are awesome. Yes, I said it, awesome. They're super-cali-fragilistic-ly wonderful, great, etc...

So on that note. Sandra, Connie, Eli, Becca... Bria, Audry, Charlie, Marco, you guys have made it on my top 8 this week (: You guys keep me bright and cheery!

"I used everything you gave me"

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, "I used everything you gave
me."++ Erma Bombeck

Beautiful day, Beautiful people, Beautiful life

It's a beautiful day in this neighborhood,
A beautiful day for a neighbor,
Would you be mine?
Could you be mine?
Today is a good day. Just a simple, wonderful, nice day (:
And I will write about my wonderful friend name Sandra. Sandra Luo.

I think there's many times when we just need someone. Someone to talk to. Someone to laugh with. Someone to share good news, bad news, all news. And I think it's hard and extremely rare to find someone that you can continue to rely on and go to.

People- There are a million of them out there. But isn't it funny how we choose to stay with a few certain ones? I know that one of my greatest fears in life is creating attatchments. Emotional connections. Relationships. Whatever you want to call them. Because it's so difficult when there's a sense of liability for another's feeling. Responsibility for someone other than yourself. And it's more than just you, it's an act of vulnerability and trust you have to explore. It's real. It's deep. And it's something that can so totally affect your world.

I trust Sandra. And trust is an issue I can't stress hardly enough. Sometimes our trouble with trusting others come from our own insecurities, and it's those people who embrace our flaws and allow us to open up that become our best friends. Because as much as I'd like to say I feel comfortable around all my friends... I don't. I fear their judgment, their standards, their high expectations I can't always meet. And when I'm with friends like Sandra I don't feel the need to be anyone but myself. Imperfect Christina. Imperfect but no-strings-attatched-Christina.

See, no one can be perfect. And no two people can always agree- But friendship has a way of compensating for those mistakes and showing us what the true meaning of caring actually means. As different as we are, Sandra and me, I know that it's the differences that keep us together not apart. And I tell you. Staying around to go through the bumps, the lumps, the yucky-mud-puddles of life, that's what tells you, Hey, not all people are the same. Hey, maybe genuine kind people exist. I don't expect everyone to really understand. In fact, I don't think any two friendships can be similar enough to fully understand. But sometimes, it's nice having someone around. Someone who's really fun. Someone who's really not you. Someone who's looking out for the best of you. Someone, you know you can care about, just as much as they care about you.

And if best friends aren't one of the best gifts in life, I don't have a clue what is. Because honestly, somedays aren't worth getting by withour your best friends by your side.

SHOUTOUT: Cheerios. Worrying about college. Forgetting to call back. Plannin parties (even though its not time yet). Telling secrets. Stupid pictures. Random jokes. Tell Me dances. Nonsense stories. Falling asleep during movies. Fake scenerios (where I always die). Telling you why boys are hard to understand. Stupid drama. Spilling out insecurities, problems, and insights. Complaining. Laughing. Singing on guitar. Making code names. Sharing stuff. Trying to remember- (green book). Crying so much. HAPPY AS HECK. Falling down. Getting up. Ups and downs. Lots of hugs. Practicing karoke. A Whole New World. Creepsters... HSM3. Penguins! Bolt. The scary cat. Fat hamster. Procrastinating. AP WORLD. Asking you for your notes. Eating salad. Counting carrots. Playing wii fit. Going to the park. Trying make up. Smoky eyes. Going to dances. Dressing up. Saying we're going to get on Made (hasn't happened). Always talking. Never boredom. Waiting for something. Was probably Jesus. Finally met Him. Celebration! Sticking out. Being cool. Always there. Best friends forever.

That great everyday magic is discovering thosewho are strong enough to catch you. Those who care enough to reach out their armsand cushion your fall. And I think that's what'sso wonderful about life - you never know when you'll stumble upon these kinds of marvelous people,or when they'll stumble onto you. And as terrifying as it sounds, the greatest thing that could ever happen to us is to slip up in the wind andfloat down into that fall. Because you never knowwho will be waiting for you at the bottom.
-Penelope Bat.

You Make Things Clear

Sometimes, for a split moment,

a flash,

a sudden BURST of an incredible thought,

everything, everything I feel, becomes clear

Clearer than the sky,

clearer than the sparkle of a child's eye,

a twinkle, an inspiration, a single breath of truth

and I know,

I truly know,

that somehow,

hidden behind this web of fear and wonder,

is a gem,

a genunine kind,

a heart,

a heart that loves

a heart that cares

a heart that continues to search

and learn that it can never fail-

Nobody nobody but chuu ::clapp::clapp::

I want nobody nobody but chuu
I want nobody nobody but chuu!

Lalalaalalala..
I'm digging this song right now. And a million other wondergirl songs.... HAHA. Oh my what have I become(:

Poppy-girl band songs use to annoy me so much. I could not understand how anyone could be so perky and cheery all the time. BUT I have to admit, once I started listening to the music, I was converted. Now, alas, I too am one of those cheezy fans (who try to copy their Tell Me dance). It's quite catchy and fun :D Goodness, I can't believe I'm saying this.

I think this just all comes down to the fact that I've been feeling INCREDIBLY happy. And simply because I've accepted to deal with the minor pits in life and just enjoy. No reason perticularly. It's just a self-realization kind of thing. So, everyone needs to calm down and learn to breathe a bit. ::DEEP BREATH IN:: and ::DEEP BREATH OUT:: It's going to be okay(: I promise.

Listen to a happy song. It's quite contagious-

The Little Things

I've always been more of a detail-oriented type of person. Sure, I'd have the "big picture" at hand, but for me, it was always about the little things. I figured, if we all had the same "big picture" our lives would be relatively uninteresting and similar...

Haven't you ever wondered why it was always those tiny insignificant moments in our lives that we remembered best? For one, maybe it was because they were of actual sincerity and honesty. True sentimental value. It wasn't like some generic washed-down copy of something you came by everyday. It was either real or unique or just something refreshingly different.

It's like when you meet a new person... The moment you see them, you get the "big picture" right away. They are either handsome and tall... or awkward and strange. Either way, you just have that first impression SLAMMED in your face. But then you start to get past that uncomfortable first stage, and you notice. Their smile. Or the thing they said that made you laugh really loud. Or just the certain way they carried themself out. A little quirky- but you'd find yourself saying I kinda like it and you'd be drawn to it. HOOKED- or something...

I guess that's how I've felt lately-
"The big picture" of my life has just been whizzing past me like a huge whirlwind. Pushing. Forcing me to move even when I'm not ready. And where to? I have absolutely no clue. But I've just been breezing along with it. And I find myself catching the little leaves that are blowing by. The wind is oubviously stronger and more important. But the little leaves seem to be more interesting. I keep catching them and they make me think and appreciate.

I dont know. In a life that's deemed to be so complex, it's those incredibly simple things that keep you going.
Stupid jokes- Incredibly corny stories told by your extremely odd yet wonderful friends...
Disney movies. Sleepovers.
Finding lucky pennies [that you never really keep]
Morning texts, that say "Have a good day!"
Funny people. That aren't really funny, but their efforts are great.
Really warm showers. And yummy vitamin gummies.
Unexpected meetings. Perfect strangers that became best friends.
Ferrets. Pets.
Little kids. And of course their huge capacity to love and forgive.
Hugs. Good hugs. Strong and warm.
Pats on your head. [Haha Andy]
Nice people. Just genuninely sweet. Like the Rebecca Lams of this world.
Favorite song playing on the radio. Singing till your lungs are about to burst.
Really heartwarming moments- the kind that makes you want to cry but smile and just dance and everything!
And goodness, so many other things...
You just can't name all the good things in life in one single entry. Heck, I don't think you could even in a million entries...

Through His Eyes

We were on our bus heading off for festival, and Rebecca and I were listening to this Broadway Beauty and the Beast song called "When Somebody Loved Me." The lyrics went something like this...

When somebody loved me,
Everything was beautiful
Every hour we spent together lives within my heart
And when
she was sad,
I was there to dry her tears
And when she
was happy,
So was I

And as I was listening to this song, I remember thinking, WOW the capacity the human heart holds for caring about another is so incredibly amazing. The way that a person can feel what another person feels because he or she simply cares enough to. Hurt. Pain. Happiness(: Whatever it is. That's so beautiful.

I think the reason God gave us this special ability was so that we'd be able to love Him enough to care about what He cares about. Because like that line in the song "When somebody loved me/ Everything was beautiful," if you really understood the wonderfulness of His love, everything would be so much more beauitful.

Today He gave me the first glimpse of His world. A world that was so much more beautiful than the way I had seen it. You see, oddly enough, today, everyone seemed to radiate their best qualities. Their warmth. Their humor. Their genuineness. Even with the people I had been so frustrated with in the past seemed to exude goodness. It might be weird to say, but I think I finally started seeing others for their heart. Which is SO much deeper, SO much more important than the act we all try to pull off. That's why I couldn't be angry with them even if I tried, because once you started looking into other people's hearts, you'd realize they're alot more like you than you'd ever imagine.

Through His eyes, He's able to see the good in us even when we fail or fall short of that glory. And I must admit, knowing that somebody loves you unconditionally makes you feel all giddy inside(: So be happy. loving. forgiving. and a little more grateful the good things in life.

Happy Valentines Day<3

People see God every day,they just don't recognize him.-Pearl Bailey

Follow Your Heart?

You know how they always say follow your heart. Exactly what do they mean by that? How are you suppose to go about knowing what to do when your feelings are a jumbled up mess of puzzle pieces that won't fit together... When your torn between something (no need for specifics here-), and your mind tells you one and your heart tells you another, is there really a way to figure out which one is which without using a trial-error process?

Lately I've been stuck. Stuck in a pile of rotting trash I should have thrown out a year ago. I really wish I had gotten rid of it then, not now. Because now, no matter how much I want to enjoy the scenery, there's still a mess I need to clean up.

Maybe it's Valentines Day or maybe it's just me in general, but it's about time I sort out all these "thoughts."

I guess I'm just too afraid to leave my comfort zone. Life is good and even as the chance comes by for me to experience life as GREAT, I'm just SO afraid of it for some reason. Remember when we were little and we just did things for the sake of doing it. Like, "I dare you to run up to that person and come back." Why? There really was no point, but we just did it anyway because we could. Yea, I want to run up to a random person right now and run back.

Hamster Wheels and Disney Metaphors

Life's the hamster wheel... and I'm the hamster. The little hamster that puts in so much effort to get the wheel to turn even though no matter how hard it tries, won't go anywhere. I guess the hamster just wants to feel like it's somewhere outside of its cage- I guess I wish I could get out of my cage too. Somewhere out there. Somewhere I could just move.

That's figurative of course. Where I am is nice and cozy... But in all honesty, it's so suffocating! It's like when Belle wanted something more than her "provincial life" or when Ariel wanted to be "out of the sea." Funny how the themes are so similar- I just want to be more out there. Take an adventure, do something that's not so "safe."

I just want things to mean more. Little things. Big things. Anything really.

Quote

"So fail. Be bad at things. Be embarrassed. Be afraid. Be vulnerable. Go out on a limb or two or twelve. You will fall, and it will hurt. But the farther you fall, the higher you will rise. The higher you rise, the clearer your future becomes. Failure is a gift, welcome it. There are people who spend their whole lives wondering how they became the people they became, how certain chances pass them by, why they didn't take the roads less traveled. Those people aren't you. You have front row seats to your own transformation and in transforming yourself, you might transform the world. It will be electric, and I promise it will be terrifying. Embrace that; embrace the new person you're becoming. This is your moment. I promise you, it is now, not to two minutes from now, not tomorrow, but really now. Own that, know that deep in your bones, go to sleep every night knowing that, wake up every morning remembering that, and keep going."

The Ladybug Effect

I was sitting down one day when a ladybug landed on me... It was just a ladybug. Harmless. And if anything, kind of cute. So why then did I nearly jump out of my chair when it flew on to my arm? It didn't bite me (because I'm not even sure ladybugs can bite) all it did was sit there. I thought about it... and it made me wonder, why was I so scared? Not just of ladybugs, but everything else too... Why did I shoo away all the ladybugs in my life before I even knew what they were? I was scared of the ladybug because I thought it might be another cockroach (because one time a cockroach climbed on my arm which terrified the living daylights out of me), and in life, I guess the cockroach must have been fear. Past experiences that hadn't gone well.

I hate to think that I'm some wuss. But honestly, I don't like taking chances. I hate the possibilty of losing, failing, or maybe it's really just because I'm just too proud to look like a fool. Pride. It's a terrible thing I tell you. Anyways, but how are you suppose to find love if you're caught up from all its cockroaches. You know, like maybe if you'd been rejected or led on or something like that.. I mean there gets to be a point when you really need to stop analyzing everybody's motives and just live a little. Love's a ladybug if you come across the real kind anyway. I haven't really come to the solution just yet. I still get scared when a ladybug lands on me (for some odd reason there's a ton around my house). But I figure at least I'm at step one. I know the ladybugs are really ladybugs not cockroaches. Plus, there really are some good people out there who convince you life's pretty if you learn to leave behind all that junk in the past and keep moving foward.