Rascal Flatts

But more than anything, yeah, and more than anything,
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.

wonder who i'm gonna promise that to...

Things I've come to realize . . .

1. That moping about the past doesn't do anything.
2. That moving on helps you see.
3. That sometimes the people you want most aren't the people that you need.
4. That friends are freaking amazing (and that you only really need one or two of them).
5. That taking risks is part of making things exciting.
6. That crying doesn't neccesarily mean that you're weak.
7. That everybody has the abilty to change.
8. That love is rare and not easy to obtain.
9. That parents are annoying but have your best interest.
10. That people talk but that you shouldn't believe everything they say.
11. That people lie and break promises but always have good in them.
12. That being lonely is no excuse for pretending to like somebody.
13. That highschool isn't just for "preparing" but also for making things happen.
14. That the world is bigger than just boys and games.
15. That practice doesn't make perfect but that trying counts for something
16. That I'm really tired and I need to stop typing.

Eh.

So here I am on a lovely Friday night... at home, with a computer on my lap- Listening to Saying I Love You by Wonder Girls and In My Heart by J-Walk. I could be going out with my friends right now and hanging but I'm tired and I think its time for some down time. I'm exhausted. Plain-ole fall-to-the-ground exhausted. Life's been one big workout these days. Intense, intense I tell ya. Ho, but you wanna know what? Me and Geoffrey got 1s on the Solo/Ensemble evalauation! Woot, woot, practice pays off :) Anyway eh, this is just about the worst entry ever. And since I'm not in the mood to organize my thoughts and say some insightful revelation- I'm think I'll go bullet point a bunch of my thoughts. Ya! I think that's what I'll do from time to time. Cause even though you're suppose to have one central point when you're writing, I happen to have ALOT of points I want to tell yah- yah, you, whoever is reading this.

Legacy - Nicole Nordeman

I don't mind if you've got something nice to say about me
And I enjoy an accolade like the rest
You could take my picture and hang it in a gallery
Of all who's who and so-n-so's that used to be the best
At such'n'such ... it wouldn't matter much
I won't lie, it feels alright to see your name in lights
We all need an 'Atta boy' or 'Atta girl'
But in the end I'd like to hang my hat on more besides
The temporary trappings of this world

I want to leave a legacy
How will they remember me?
Did I choose to love?
Did I point to You enough To make a mark on things?
I want to leave an offering
A child of mercy and grace who blessed your name unapologetically
And leave that kind of legacy

I don't have to look too far or too long awhile
To make a lengthly list of all that I enjoy
It's an accumulating trinket and a treasure pile
Where moth and rust, thieves and such will soon enough destroy
Not well traveled, not well read, not well-to-do or well bred
Just want to hear instead, "Well Done" good and faithful one...

Me, Myself, and I

"This is the most important part of your highschool career, Christina. You need to work hard, get good grades, and do really well on the SATs- by that, I mean 2200 at least. "

I just got home from dropping off Calvin and Ryan at church. Rawr- I really wanted to go.

I miss going to Home Group. I haven't been in forever. I miss the singing and praising, the bible groups, the meeting new people, the everything. Bleh, I'm feeling so overwhelmed these days. There's so much to do and so little time. I know junior year's suppose to be tough but I really hate having to give up so much of my time for work and school. SAT classes alone take up 10 hours of my weekend. I am seriously gonna blow my mind if I hear another thing about right triangles and finding the sum of blahblah consecutive numbers.

Everyone says "you're going to have to make sacrifices." But at this moment I really don't know if I'm making the right ones. I feel like we're all constantly preparing for this "future" when all thats really happening is right now.

I've got the grades. I'm taking the classes. But I'm not accomplishing anything worthwhile-
I'm lacking something. I really really am.

Blehk, you know what else I don't like?
I don't like how I complain so much.
No one likes to hear people whine.
No one likes to hear about how my days not going right. -____-"
I hate being so serious and tense-
I hate having to say "I can't" to my friends because I'm so busy.

Goshness.
You know what I need to do?
I need to stop focusing on myself so much.
I need to step outside of my little world and accept the fact that I'm not perfect.
After I finish practicing for Solo/Ensemble, I'm gonna start writing my Christmas cards.
Ya, I gotta start.

I would love to do something outrageous just about now. Something completely awesome and amazing and out of character. I've been feelings restless. Let's make something happen.

It takes strength to be certain,
It takes courage to have doubts.
It takes strength to fit in,
It takes courage to stand out.
It takes strength to feel a friend's pain,
It takes courage to feel your own.
It takes strength to hide your faults,
It takes courage to show them.
It takes strength to keep people out,
It takes courage to let them in.
It takes strength to hold on,
It takes courage to let go.
It takes strength to survive,
It takes courage to live.

And maybe someday We'll figure all this out Try to put an end to all our doubt Try to find a way to make things better now And maybe someday we'll live our lives out loud We'll be better off somehow, someday.-Rob Thomas

True That.

"Don't settle for anything less than someone who loves you. Don't love when you're lonely, love when you're ready. Don't think that it happens all the time, either. Holding hands while walking down a high school hallway isn't love. Real love is hard to come by, but it comes. Maybe not for a while, but it shows up at some point. All of us are loved, but sometimes that person you want isn't in your life yet. Don't worry. They will be. Stop waiting for it."

I knew this day would eventually come,
when those words would eventually be spoken.

But do you know what I never expected?

That when those words were spoken...
I'd look at you like any other person...
I wouldn't be moved.
I wouldn't be shaken.
I wouldn't even give it so much a second thought
(like I would have then- before).

See, it's funny how long it takes some people to realize what you mean to them.
But it's even funnier how by the time they reliaze, you''re already gone.
The past is the past-

Irreversible. Done.

so word of advice: move on.
because if there's one think I've realized, it's this:

If you have something good.
Appreciate it while you have it.

He wasn't what I wanted, what I thought no. He wouldn't even open up the door. He never made me feel like I was special. He isn't really what I'm looking for. -Avril Lavigne

"in some ways, you're pretty lucky. you opened your heart, you put yourself out there. you were ready to make that leap. i'm envious. i wish i knew what that felt like. to find someone who makes you wanna swim the east river in january." -Ugly Betty

For what it's worth: it's never too late or, in my case, too early
to be whoever you want to be. There's no time limit, stop whenever
you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to
this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make
the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you
feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a 
different point of view. I hope you live a life you're proud of. If you
find that you're not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.
-The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

Let's Escape

After hearing so much about the new korean drama Iris, I decided to find out what all the hype was about... For all you skeptics... all I have to say is, holy cow! I just finished watching the first two episodes- and the characters, the music, the plot are all great. I have to admit, it's a lot better than I expected. It's a thumbs up.
Dang. I am such a loser. I always get sucked into these dramas. I know it's so dorky and cliche to say... but, I always feel like I'm one of the characters. Hahaha. Ohhhh my. I definitely need more excitement in my life.

You know, I don't think I would mind being a secret service agent. Be in the CIA. Do something cool like that. Sure, there'd be the whole your-life-is-always-in-danger and the you-could-die-at-any-moment factor- but thinking about it- that doesn't seem entirely too bad. Being a secret agent, you'd always have that sense of purpose. You'd always know that whatever it was you were doing would be pretty darn important. Ya, I guess there'd be a butt full of responsibility and risk involved- But, maybe if you were constantly reminded of how crucial your task was you'd learn to appreciate life a bit more... learn to make every moment count.

Hm, maybe I get so into these dramas because it lets me live in my fantasy world ::for a moment at least::. I'm not gonna lie- sometimes when I watch these dramas I start to develop small littles crushes for the characters. I don't even know their names most of the time- but I always end up wishing that the next dude I would meet would be like one of them. The ggangpeh that goes good for the girl. The guy that waits ten years to tell her I love you. Aw, how sweet. I'm a hopeless romantic!

Sigh. Everyone seems to be in a relationship or feeling completely lonely these days. I don't get it. What is it about this season? The cold weather? The time change? I mean, I guess after what I said, that would put me in the "feeling completely lonely" category... but actually, I'm pretty content with where I am.

You know what I liked about Kim Tae Hee in Iris? She's seemed totally independent. I know all the guys are drooling over how pretty she is (which she is). But I liked how strong and confident she was. I LOVED that the guys in the drama never knew what to expect. My mom says girls need to be more like her. She told me that if you're too nice, the boys will run all over you- take advantage of that. Truer words were never spoken. There is such a thing as being TOO nice sometimes.

I like to escape every once in awhile. But I get it- this is the life I'm stuck with. Right here. Right now. And you know what? I'm perfectly okay with that. It''s okay that I'm not a top secret agent and that I'm not the prettiest gal in the world- and you know what else? It's definitely okay that I don't have a muhsinun guy who likes me. Because honestly, I don't need all that to be happy. I have wonderful friends and amazing family that make my life worth living. What more could you ask?