Trust

"We're never so vulnerable than when we trust someone- but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy" -Walter Anderson

"The key is to get to know people and trust them to be who they are. Instead, we trust people to be who we want them to be- and when they're not, we cry."

"When you really trust someone you have to be okay with not understanding some things."

"I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you" -Friedrich Nietzche

Hm, so what then?
Should trust be given or earned?
I say, let's just give it the benefit of the doubt.
People can surprise you in many ways.

Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind. "Pooh!" he whispered.
"Yes, Piglet?" "Nothing," said Piglet, taking Pooh's paw. "I just
wanted to be sure of you." -A.A. Milne

A Quote for Thought

"If I Really Cared . . . • Who you are would be more important to me than who I am. • Where you hurt would be more important than that I'm well. • What you feel would be more important than what I know. • I'd look you in the eyes when you talk to me; • I'd think about what you're saying rather than what I'm going to say next- • I'd hear your feelings as well as your words. • I'd listen without defending. • I'd hear without deciding whether you are right or wrong. • I'd ask you why and how, not just when and where. • I'd laugh with you but not at you. • I'd talk with you and not to you, and I'd know when it's time to do neither. • I wouldn't climb over your walls. • I'd wait until you let me in the gate. • I wouldn't unlock your secrets; • The performances would end. If I really cared about you, • I'd be myself with you • And give you the right to be the same" -Ruth Sentor

Fantasy Vs. Reality

You know when you're having a dream? A good one? Then, someone or something wakes you up? I hate that moment of confusion- when you're not sure whether you're awake or not. When you can't decide whether or not you should or shouldn't believe what you think is going on.

Not white. Not black. No sure answer. It really isn't a nice place to be at- that area of grayish white. But being sure- having the answer- doesn't make it better. In fact, it's somewhat harder than the whole confusion part. Because, even while you're sorting through all the questions and emotions, not knowing what's going on, there's that one reoccurring thought in your mind? The thought of what you hope. The thought of what you want. And having to face the truth... well, that's tough.

"You're awake."
That's the hard cold fact.
Finding out that answer is perhaps the worst part of all. Having to wake up to the reality of what's going on.

You know when someone or something wakes you up from a good dream and you try to go back? You put your head underneath the blankets. You close your eyes. You do everything... but it feels its out of grasp.

The dream has left. It's gone. I hate that.
I hate that feeling of knowing it's over.
That it's done. Why can't the good ones just last?

You know that place between asleep and awake? The place where you can still
remember dreaming. That's where I'll always love you. That's where I'll be
waiting.-Peter Pan

For as we get older, it is not the things we did that we often regret, but things we didn't do.

Her eyes beginning to water, she went on, "So I would like you all to make
me a promise. From now on, on your way to school, or on your way home, find
something beautiful to notice. It doesn't have to be something you see, it could
be a scent - perhaps of freshly baked bread wafting out of someone's house, or
it could be the sound of the breeze slightly rustling the leaves in the trees,
or the way the morning light catches the autumn leaf as it falls gently to the
ground. Please look for these things, and cherish them. For, although it may
sound trite to some, these things are the "stuff" of life. The little things we
are put here on earth to enjoy. The things we often take for granted. We must
make it important to notice them, for at any time...it can all be taken away."
The class was completely quiet. We all picked up our books and filed out of the
room silently. That afternoon, I noticed more things on my way home from school
than I had that whole semester. Every once in a while, I think of that teacher
and remember what an impression she made on all of us, and I try to appreciate
all of those things that sometimes we all overlook. Take notice of something
special you see on your lunch hour today. Go barefoot. Or walk on the beach at
sunset. Stop off on the way home tonight to get a double-dip ice cream cone. For
as we get older, it is not the things we did that we often regret, but the
things we didn't do.

Life is precious.

Sometimes I really wonder how many people out there are truly happy. . . not just content or satisfied, but sincerely grateful for their life. I think that despite the imperfections of people and the brokeness of the world, life is really beautiful. And I wonder. . . if people took the time out of their busy schedules to just breathe and look around, would they still go on complaining about all the minor flaws in their lives? Life is so precious. How else can I emphasize that? Life is now. These moments count. These moments are your life. . . so do something about it! Stop sitting down and contemplating about the future and all the things that could go wrong. I wonder. . . do people really understand how fragile and rare this all is? Because if they do, they sure don't give it the attention it deserves.

The Magic of Looking for the Best in People

After watching this short film called "Validation" I was really inspired to do something that had more to do with others than me. I kind of think I've been wallowing in too much self-pity lately and I just really wanted to show some type of gratitude for my friends. You know it's really amazing how much time we have in a day and yet we can't spend a few minutes of it to say thanks. So... I guess if your name is on here I just wanted to say that you're really amazing and tell you a few things about you that I think uniquely great(: http://www.flixxy.com/validation-short-film.htm)

*This took a freaking long time so you better appreciate it! Heh. Just kidding. But I do hope it makes you take the time to think about telling those you love, that you love them.

Andy you're like a triple-threat! You can dance, you can sing, and you got great looks (no lie). You have passion and you have so much potential to do a lot of great things (not only for yourself- but for other people as well). I hope you realize the incredible value of everything you have and when you look yourself in the mirror I just really wish you see how awesome you are. Forget the crap and the rep. people may lable on you and do something that really counts.

Sara you are so inredibly different from anyone I know. You're not afraid to be yourself and I truly respect that. Don't ever change that about you. That's what I think I love most! You're really great at talking to people and making others feel comfortable. I think your like the best example of how people shouldn't judge based on what they hear from others. It's all about getting to know someone for their real-self.

Joe you have so much SPUNK! What I think is really great about you is your sense of humility and humor. Not being afraid to be silly. Not being afraid to look a little funny for the sake of making other people laugh. Your ability to make people smile and just put yourself out there for others is really rare and wonderful. I hope you knew that.

Kenny you're just one awesome kid. Period. If there's anything I need to say to you is... have confidence! There's so many good things about you. Your modesty and loyalty for your friends is just incredible. I KNOW you'd do ANYTHING for the people you really love. You have an amazing smile and your really good at making others do that as well! Also- you have a great capacity for listening to people vent. Like in my case. Ha. And even when things get you down you have a selflessness that's just blows me away. See all these good things? Ya, give yourself some credit now.

Sandra you are one of the most patient people I know and will ever know. You can listen and yet at the same time you can speak your mind. Although you say it's hard, you make the best effort to make other people feel better. You're really selfless and you are so loyal to your friends (beyond description). You're trustworthy and you can be counted on to keep your word and promises. I know can always come to you about everything because you make me feel safe enough to expose my weakside. As a person overall, you're really beautiful inside and out! Don't forget that.

Elise you're crazy and loud but 100% down-to-earth and real. You don't sugar coat the facts because you tell it how it is because sometimes we all need someone to tell it like that. You have so much joy and life in you that I really really love. You're young at heart and so courageous about life. You have an AMAZING ability to cheer people up and make them laugh. I know you're not always sure about your future but I KNOW and truly believe that you are going to do alot of great things when you grow up.

Audry you're really beautiful! Do you ever forget that? Because you really shouldn't. Your tall and your skinny and you have like this amazing hair that's all wavy (and that I really wish I had). You have muscles from playing volleyball and you have this agressiveness and endurance that comes from a passion a lot of people DON'T have. You really are an amazing person. You see the importance and value of what you have. And THAT is something a lot of people (even those that are older and adults) don't recognize. You're not greedy and you're not selfish and you know it's more about quality than quantity. You're loving, caring, and protective. I love all these things about you and I hope this is something you knew or now know.

Connie you are just so so genuinely kind, caring, and loving. You know how they say it's sometimes bad to be too nice? You could fall in that category. . . cause you're really just THAT nice. I really think you have such a beautiful heart and mind. Where alot of people worry so much about the superficial things in life, I think you focus more on the heart of things. The things that matter most. You have a wonderful ability in seeing the good in people and I think that lovingness has rubbed off to others. Please don't forget to remind yourself that you really are such a good person as well!

Rebecca you are like the "give-give" person. You give so much to others. And I don't think you get enough recognition. Which is the great thing about you. You do it for the sake of loving and caring. Not for the fame. You are a really rare person in this world Miss Lam. And more people should be like you! I think your inner beauty really shines through and that many people look up to your optimism and joy for life. Also, you have a beautiful smile! So I guess it's really great that that's what we always happen to see when you're around.

Jaime you are so down-to-earth and kind. You're really just you. I can tell there's a lot of stuff going through your mind. I bet you have so much to share with people and even if you're a little scared to open up I bet you anything if they had a little taste they wouldn't have enough! You're such a sweet person so take a chance! I KNOW people would love to know you so much!

Shannon you've matured an incredible amount the last few years. I love how you look at life so happily. You have so much optimism and hope for the future and I really look foward to talking to you more about those subjects. Keep smiling like you always do. And just keep sharing the things you've learned. All those things in the past really did happen for a reason and now you have so much experience!

Jenny you are an amazing amazing girl! You really are pretty but even more than that... you're heart is just so open and loving and beautiful! You've gone through so much yet you haven't become bitter or distrusting or cynical- at all! I don't know if you forget this because I hope you're reminded of this often. You are a wonderful person. You really are very good at being supportive and just helping people get through. All those tough experiences have made you such a stronger better person. And I think if you want to be a pediatrician/psycologist you will DEFINITELY be able to do it. In fact, I think whatever you decide to do, you'll be great at it!

Dong sometimes you're obnoxious! BUT. I love it! I know you can be all tough-guy and big-boy and everything but I know that there's a whole lot to you underneath that. You're really protective of your friends and you really do care a whole bunch about the people you love. I really like that. You're really great at making people laugh and having a good time. You probably don't know this but even you're stupidness or goofiness at times really helps people. Like in my case for instance. It made it for me easier to deal with some of the not-so-good-times. You put others in front of yourself alot and in case you didn't think anyone noticed. I did. Forsure. It's actually really noticable and really awesome!

Grace you're really genuine. I said this in your birthday card before. But you really really are someone special. I really like how you find everything cute. And how you notice all these things in stuff that other people don't. It makes you stand out. I think that the way you think is really different and there's something really refreshing about that. You really are cute and pretty even though you say your not. You're really beautiful inside and out. You REALLY should know that. You have the sweetest smile. AND you're so humble and kind!

Ben you are by far a very very caring person. Even when we drifted apart at times you really were always there and I think your capacity for forgiving and just caring about someone is really awesome. You got a cool style too! Ha. Like how you always dressed and stuff made you pretty unique. You have the looks and I think you started some trends at school. But apart from the superficial stuff... I know sometimes you give up on yourself about violin or something, but just remember you have so much potential. You really do. And if you forget that. Just know there's someone who always have and always will believe in you! (In case you didn't get the implied, I'm talking about me... and GOD!)

Marco you are a great person. A great friend. A great brother. You take so much responsibilty for your loved ones. I always feel safe to have a "baby bro" like you. That's why you are foremost my number one -unbiological- little brother. You really do take care and watch out for your friends well. It's one of your many wonderful qualities. You also happen to be really patient and really loving. Mm.. and I mean I won't lie. If I was your age... Watch out Chanel! Cause I'd go for you in a sec! You got the face and the style. But I mean that's definitely not the only thing that makes you such a cool guy.

Jason you are so chill! It's ridiculous sometimes! But I mean this in all good-sense. I love that your not the type to worry so much. Your kinda the yin to my yang. You actually let life breathe you know? Like... you let it happen. But another really awesome thing about you is that you're really good at listening. I can talk to you and I can just let things out. And yet at the same time you're very caring and honest so you tell me your opinion. You have alot of friends but I know that when it comes down to your closest ones you put alot of your heart into them. You're a sweet boy and even though we don't talk as often you're really patient and I know that you're somebody who can be depended/counted on.

Taishi hmm... what to say? You're somewhat of a mystery to me. But what I've learned from those times you opened up to me is that you're a REALLY caring person. Plus, like how you hug your little sister after school shows that you're really sweet and loving as a brother. I think when you really care about someone you really do give them alot of you. If that makes sense... I don't know if people get to see that often because I'm sure you've had people hurt you too. But I guess it kinda shows in your smile? Cause you really have an awesome smile and it seems really genuine. Keep smiling and don't forget to let people in because I know there's so much of you that people have yet to see. And if they do.. they'd really love it. So remember this.

Jessie you are so awesomeee! My vocabulary is obviously very limited! But. I mean it. You always laugh and you always smile and you always seem to have this joy for living. You come off as such a friendly person and once someone meets you they realize you really are everything you seem to be. You're kind and you're thoughtful and you give so much. You're so supportive and great at giving advice. And if someone needs cheering. You are like the ultimate cheer captain. Dont forget how beautiful of a person you are. Your personality and charisma shines through so much that it makes you even more gorgeous than you already are. Keep laughing that cute laugh of yours. And just know that you're just really loved Jessie.

Peter you are so funny. Like I love everything about you! Like you're honesty and bluntness. And ability to keep a straight face while answering the crazy akward things I ask. I just really hope you know that you're a great person. That when God made you, He really did have a lot of great things planned. You speak well with others and you're very confident! You care so much about everyone. And you're so protective about me particularly. I really feel like I have a older brother who's watching out for me. It makes me feel safe. And I'm always assured that things will be okay if you're there. I hope that you can be like that for the people you meet in the future- so that you'll be able to share with them the good news. Stay true to yourself. Don't get too corrupted! I think you're partial-innocence makes you unique. Stay a good-boy!

Sam sometimes you call too much. But a great thing about you is that you're very persistent! You don't give up even when things get you down. And even when you're down you try to make me laugh. We sometimes have that love-hate relationship. You know... cause I get annoyed by you sometimes. BUT the great thing about you is that you can be so care-free and there needs to be more people like that. For instance. I'm too serious. You know? I think the fact that you continually try and never give up makes you a really unqiue person. You don't quit. Once your striked out on something, you get back up. This is a really great quality and maybe other people don't recognize it... but they should. Your an awesome person Sam. And I can never say enough how great it is to have a friend that will pretend to be stupid and silly to make me smile!

Siraj you are sucha good listener. I blah and I blab and you just always listen. You have an incredible amount of patience. And a really great ability of yours is how you try to connect and understand people on a deeper level. That you try to get to know them apart from the exterior you know? I think that your interest in getting to know people that way sets you apart. I know you might be scared about finding that right person. But you really are a great great guy. I don't know why you say your looks aren't good. Because you're a nice looking guy! Plus your tall! Sucks for the short guys! LOL (Sorry to Peter if he sees that HAHA)! Also your funny and you know how to have a good time. Your loyal and you can keep someone safe. And well, in due time there's gonna be a girl for ya. But I mean you're an exceptionally awesome guy so it's going to be awhile till that exceptionally awesome girl comes around!

Yeontae you are the nicest guy ever! I don't know how to describe you! You're tall yes. But I mean like your heart is so different from a lot of the guys that I know. You have such a passion for God and openess for caring about everyone. Like those times you woke up early to help me during my AP tests. Wow. I don't even know how to say what kind of caring that is. You really just genuinely love everyone dont chu? Always saying good morning. And in those times when everyone seemed too caught up with work you'd sent those texts with Bible Verses. You're so encouraging and dedicated and I really look up to you (Oh, no pun intended LOL). Ya, I just hope you never forget how good of a person you are. You're so faithful to God and... man, I just can't even imagine how He's going to use you. You're going to do so many wonderful things in His name. I think you're a wonderful friend. Really trustworthy. Really someone special. I'm really glad I know you.

Stephen you have the most beautiful smile! You are so friendly and lively! And you're so kind to the point where you've said people have taken advantage of that. Well, I'm glad that hasn't changed your outlook on life. That you still always forgive them and you don't become bitter about that. You've really gone through alot of struggles and I really believe that all those difficult times have made you the good person that you are. I forget whether you said you believed in God or not, but... I think he's going to use you as inspiration for other people. I can't possibly imagine the stuff you've had to dealt with. But seing how strong and happy and loving you are now is truly a miracle. You're a miracle Stephen! Keep being you cause you're a great person. And good luck with all your dancing and stuffs!

Hope.

"Hoping does not mean doing nothing. It is not fatalistic resignation. It
means going about our assigned tasks, confident that God will provide the
meaning and the conclusion. It is not compelled to work away at keeping up
appearances with a bogus spirituality. It is the opposite of desperate and
panicky manipulations, of scurrying and worrying. And hoping is not dreaming. It
is not spinning an illusion or fantasy to protect us from our boredom or our
pain. It means a confident, alert expectation that God will do what he said he
will do. It is imagination put in the harness of faith. It is a willingness to
let God do it in his way and in his time. It is the opposite of making plans
that we demand that God put into effect, telling him both how and when to do
it."
-- Eugene Peterson.

Hope is a beautiful thing isn't it?

What counts?

If anything, this very moment counts... doesn't it? Whatever I decide to do right now matters... doesn't it? Because it's the present. Because it's guaranteed to *happen*. And isn't what's happening now just as (if not more) important than what may happen later? So I understand that there may be a fallacy in my thinking. Afterall, the future holds consequences based on what we do now. Yes, I understand that. I do. And the point of my entry isn't to argue that everything should be about today. Because well then, no one would take responsibility for their actions. But, this entry is one that's questioning the extent to which we look at our future. Is it really worth all the trouble of worrying and worrying about a day we're not even sure of? A day that may or may not come. I guess this goes back to my entries about "taking chances" and "going for it." I just look at life right now and think... 'potential' 'potential." Life is so full. So rich. Anything could happen. There's the possibility isn't there? Despite what other people consider "likely" and "reasonable," aren't there those stories that prove that you can defeat the odds? Those people who have experienced those one-in-a-million miracles- Can you really disregard them and rule out the full possibility of something happening? No. And that's the thing. You can't. Cause it can happen.

How many times have we left it to fear to decide our fate? To belittle us. To trap us into that corner.. where we get to thinking that there is only one option. At this point I really don't know what to do. All I know is that I still believe that everything will work out the way it's suppose to. Whatever that is~ So I refuse to be sad or upset. And I don't mind if people think I'm just some silly optimist or idealist, I'd rather be that then be a pessimist who's miserable all the time. I took the chances. I took the risks. And sometimes you win. And with that, I guess sometimes you lose too. But in a way, I don't think you can ever really "lose" until you decide to stop believing. To stop hoping. So in that sense, I haven't lost yet. And I don't plan to. I don't think any moment can be a waste. Even if those moments are painful. Even if those moments of happiness end. Because isn't life simply a series of happening and ending moments tied together? You always learn something right? Isn't that in itself what makes it worth it? Sure, you may have to endure a whole lot of crap. But at least you can always hold on to those memories.

100 Things I Want to do Before I die (: <3

I came across one of my old diary entries about 100 things I wanted to do before I died. I never finished so I decided I would share them with you today(:

1. Get married :)
2. Watch a sunrise!
3. Go to Africa.
4. Adopt a pet. I would really like a doggie.
5. Read the entire Bible.
6. Write a book.
7. Horseback ride on the beach.
8. Have a child.
9. Finish college.
10. Talk to the homeless.
11. Save a life.
12. Go star watching.
13. Have a star named after me^^
14. Tell someone about God.
15. Go to seminary school.
16. Have my first kiss >__<"
17. Tell my family I love them.
18. Write a song and perform it.
19. Fall in love! <3
20. Volunteer at a hospital.
21. Learn how to make balloon animals.
22. Bake a three-tier cake.
23. Be a brides maid!
24. Paint my room (a color other than white).
25. Plant flowers.
26. Go to a concert.
27. Get couple rings or necklaces (like in the dramas).
28. Memorize an entire piano piece.
29. Throw a gigantic Christmas party(:
30. Camp with friends.
31. Go on a road trip!!!
32. Ride a helicopter.
33. Go scuba diving.
34. Live abroad.
35. Become a missionary.
36. Ride the Goliath (at Six Flags).
37. Take photo booth pictures.
38. Learn some Spanish.
39. Get a date.
40. Dance with somebody I actually WANT to dance with.
41. Learn how to play drums.
42. Scream at the top of a mountain!
43. Volunteer at an animal shelter.
44. Learn about different religions.
45. Try to meet a new person everyday.
46. Put random notes in people's lockers.
47. Play in the rain^^
48. Go to a spa.
49. Play music on the streets.
50. Ride an air balloon.
51. Parasail!
52. Make 1000 origami stars. 312. Getting there(:
53. Learn how to whistle.
54. Learn tango dancing.
55. Go to a NBA game.
56. Learn how to draw grafitti.
57. Write my name on the sidewalk.
58. Be part of a protest that I believe in.
59. Learn sign language.
60. Have a boyfriend (but no more than 3).
61. Work at a bakery or restaurant.
62. Win a a prize (those big stuffed animal) at a fair.
63. Make a time capsule.
64. Change somebody's life for good.
65. Have a disney movie marathon.
66. Throw a message in a bottle into the sea<3>
67. Get my permit/license.
68. Learn how to drive!
69. Buy the whole "Marmalade Boy" series.
70. Write a love letter :D
71. Take care of my parents when they're old. HAHAHA.

More to come (: